Last week was Infertility Awareness Week

Last week was Infertility Awareness Week and the theme was Infertility Uncovered. I visited Resolve's website (the national infertility association) and read a bunch of articles, personal testimonies, and blogs but I didn't write a blog post of my own. I usually do but I didn't feel right doing so this year because I literally have nothing to contribute to the theme. Its tricky for me. As I dig deeper into "infertility", I realize more and more that, not having gone through it first-hand, I can't truly relate one hundred percent. Yes, it is true that I cannot conceive a baby on my own. But, I have not gone through the ups & downs of fertility treatment. I have not attempted to foster or adopt. I have not considered surrogacy or IVF. I want to empathize with my fellow sisters but I feel like a guest in the infertility club; sometimes welcome and sometimes not. I think for this year's theme, I am the unwelcome sort of guest. So I will stay silent on the #infertilityuncovered topic.

Even though I couldn't really participate in this year's Infertility Awareness Week, I want to leave some friendly reminders:
       * One in eight couples is infertile. Please don't ask about a woman's family planning; you never know how hurtful that simple question of When are you going to have kids can be.
       * We all are capable of making informed decisions about the size of our family. Please don't ask Why don't you have kids, yet or tell us You won't know what love is until you become a mother.
Just because I am not actively on an infertility path, I still believe in the importance of awareness. I will remain a cheerleader for advocacy and acceptance.  I send out my best wishes for those couples on their infertility journey. I grieve for women's miscarriages and couples with unsuccessful results. I am the one in eight.

Lastly, a little bit more about myself and my personal journey...   There is the tribe of women who are "childfree" (don't have children; never wanted to have children). There is another tribe of women who are "childless" (went through their infertility journey and ended up without any successful results). I am stuck in the middle... when I was in my late teens/early twenties, I decided that I didn't want to have children; then when I got married, we decided that life wouldn't be so bad with a kid or two but then we found out that I have advanced & extremely severe endometriosis. So then I reverted back to my original decision of not wanting children after all. I'm sort of childfree but I'm also kind of childless. There isn't really a tribe for me. So I continue to forge my own path.

National Infertility Awareness Week #flipthescript

As you might have guessed by all the infertility/child-free themed posts leading up to this one, April is dedicated to infertility awareness and this week in particular - April 23rd thru April 28th - is National Infertility Awareness Week (NIAW). RESOLVE: The National Infertility Association chooses a theme each year and for 2018, they settled on Flip the Script. I've heard the phrase before but I never really understood what it meant. I just thought it was another trendy business buzzword, like "disrupters" or "next level." Since I can't write about something I'm unfamiliar with, I decided to Google the definition. This is what I found-

"flip the script - reverse the usual or existing position in a situation, do something unexpected or revolutionary"

I wouldn't consider myself average but I am by no means revolutionary. I follow the rules most of the time and only speak up when I feel it is a good time to do so. What can I do to spread infertility awareness that is unexpected and reactionary? Still at a loss for how I can contribute to NIAW, I looked to RESOLVE's website for more guidance. They describe the theme below -

Anyone can be challenged to have a family. No matter what race, religion, sexuality or economic status you are, infertility doesn’t discriminate.
Because you’ll never know how badly you want something until you are told that it may not be possible.Together, we can change how others view infertility. It begins with being part of a national movement, National Infertility Awareness Week®. This week unites millions of Americans who want to remove the stigmas and barriers that stand in the way of building families.

Well, that I can do! I have been championing to normalize infertility, endometriosis and their repercussions since I first started this blog. Frankly, I don't think you need to "flip the script" in order to do so. One in every eight couples suffer with infertility. That is a lot of couples! So is it that weird to talk about it? The only way to change how others view infertility is to discuss the topic in regular conversation.  Like I mentioned earlier, I am no trouble making rabble-rouser but if someone approaches me with the topic of my family, I will openly speak about my infertility and decision to only have dogs. I understand that the conversation may be awkward and difficult at first but the more you open up, the easier it becomes. I've also noticed that the more I've talked about it, the more other people joined in. I was once getting a drink at a local cafe. There were young girls running around and laughing. The woman behind the counter told me she wished she had daughters. I replied that, yes, those girls were certainly cute ... but also a little rowdy. She asked if I had any children and I told her that I was unable to conceive so I will not be adding any children to my family. She then opened up her miscarriage. And just like that, we were two women sharing our experiences in normal conversation. I am aware that not all of my conversations go that smoothly. At the last company holiday party, a coworker told me that I would not be able to have a "real Christmas" due to my lack of children. So, you win some and you lose some but I think we are all allowed to talk about our families regardless of their size or how they came to be. If you fostered or adopted your children, please tell me about it because you are a saint and I'd love to hear about your journey. If you're struggling to conceive, let me know and we can weep together. And if you've chosen to live without children, then cheers to you and lets hang out! 

My child-free life.

Not too long ago, a close friend told me that the reason why I'm always talking about infertility and about living child-free is because I am incredibly insecure about that decision and I keep harping on it in order to convince myself that it wasn't a mistake. Sure, there could be some truth to her statement but I prefer to believe that it is my duty to share my experiences in order to reverse the judgement placed on women like myself.

As crazy as it sounds, being both infertile and child-free is a weird situation to find oneself in. I don't quite fit in with other women who struggle to conceive because they devote a majority of their lives to becoming mothers, either through treatment, fostering, adoption, surrogacy or any other means possible. And, I also don't quite fit in with most child-free women because they chose that path for their lives. They decided ... as for me, my body made that decision for me. I am unable to bear children, however, I never took scientific measures to try. That makes me an oddity. I chose not to "try" because, in my opinion, the realm of infertility services is just a huge marketing scheme that preys on women's hopes and fears with little results. You'd be amazed to find out the statistics of outcomes from IVF, and adoption is a very very difficult process. Aside from not wanting to be mislead by not-so-honest marketing, I think it is rather empowering to be able  to choose not to pursue infertility treatment and live a child-free life. I think that decision identifies well with the "independent woman" characteristic I try to embody.

I read somewhere that "there is a massive negative premise that suggests that women who do not reproduce are selfish, do not like children or are not real women. Females who do not procreate are too often misrepresented by negative terms: spinster, wicked stepmother, crazy cat lady." (I wrote down that quote on a Post-It note but I forgot to document the article it came from. I apologize for the plagiarism.)  I must say that females who are not mothers ARE NOT SELFISH!!! We need to debunk the stereotype that child-free women are selfish right now. The only fact found in that stereotype is that I deprived my mother of grandchildren. But I can also argue that by being an only child, my mother deprived me of siblings. I would never say that about my mom so there is no reason for the world to place that judgement upon me.

Speaking of my mom, here's a picture of us. 

Other reasons why I do not believe that my decision is selfish -
1. I happily pay all taxes related to education for future generations and support teachers and other educational staff. My mother was an ESL (English as a Second Language) teacher for several years and I truly believe in their work.
2. I offer baby-sitting services to all of my friends who have children. I am aware that being able to go on dates with my husband is a leisure that a lot of my friends don't have and I am happy to help.
3. If and when the Apocalypse comes, I will gladly give up my seat in the bunker to a mother or child because I am fully aware that their functioning reproductive system is more useful than my broken one.

Two more statements to refute - women who do not reproduce do not like children. I cannot speak for all women, but for me that is not the case. I dote on all of my friends' children; when shopping for Christmas gifts, I am sure to buy theirs first. Just because I do not want a child of my own to have around 100% of the time does not mean I do not like children at all.  And lastly... women who do not reproduce are barren curmudgeons who live lonely lives. Again, I cannot speak for everyone, but as for me, I live a content  and satisfying life. I am married with dogs and friends and hobbies - including yoga, sewing guild and book club- that keep me busy and happy. Many will argue that my life isn't very "rewarding" or "loving" without children, but I find owning a small business to be very rewarding and the love I receive from my family and friends is plenty enough for me.

My amazing family - Mike, mom, Sadie, Athena and Wes <3

Like all stereotypes and prejudices, I wish for this one to end. The decision a woman makes to have or not have children is a personal one that she has thought about at length. If she decided not to procreate, that is a decision everyone else will have to respect and there is no reason to judge her or convince her otherwise.

#saythefword

No, no, no you guys... not that f word. LOL Earlier this year, I came across this hashtag #SaytheFword. Then after some research, I came across this article (https://hellogiggles.com/lifestyle/health-fitness/company-encouraging-women-to-say-f-word-fertility/) and this website (https://saythefword.com/).  The mission of the campaign is encourage women to talk about their bodies and reproductive health. According to the data presented by website above, studies show that an overwhelming number of women do not talk about their fertility. Plenty of women think about it and have experiences relating to it but not very many talk about it. Not even to their doctors. Not even to their partners and close family members.

WHAT??!!?!  o_O  That is preposterous.

Why have we, as a society, made the subject so embarrassing and taboo?  It shouldn't be and that is why I have chosen to use my blog to promote this movement. I don't often use my blog as a social platform so please bear with me. (We'll get back to fun travel posts, craft shows and DIY projects very soon.) If you have a minute, please visit https://saythefword.com/ and take the pledge. It'll ask you a few simple questions and best of all, after completing the survey, you can choose a non-profit for the website to donate to. I chose the Endometriosis Foundation of America (your other options are Planned Parenthood, RESOLVE: The National Infertility Association or Women's March).

I have taken the pledge to break the silence. I believe women need to be empowered--not ashamed--to talk about their fertility and any challenges, questions and/or decisions they make concerning it. This year, women's studies, women's rights and women's movements have become extremely prevalent and for good reason. It is time for women to be recognized and honored. Feminist is no longer a forbidden word and fertility shouldn't be either.

If any of you guys share my blogs, please use the hashtag #SaytheFword.

Erica needs a good infertility podcast.

I live on podcasts; they are what get me though my 9-hour work day. Now don't get me wrong, I enjoy my job, truly, but I'm an auditor for an insurance company... I need something to entertain me throughout the day. I listen to a wide range of podcasts but what I'm missing is a good infertility podcast. Before we all start throwing out suggestions, let me clarify what I mean by "good." All of the infertility podcasts I've come across are either spiritual and Christian-based or self-help guides. That is not what I am looking for. I have traveled through my infertility journey and I have fully accepted a child-free lifestyle. I don't need to listen to a podcast about hope, or prayer, or how to grieve and heal. I want a podcast about moving on and living your best life despite the daily challenges of infertility. I have come across several bloggers and internet "celebrities" who write on this subject but none of them do audio.

The closest thing that I have found that meets my "good" criteria is the How Did We Get Here Podcast (https://www.howdidwegetherepodcast.com/). I was really excited about this podcast when I first stumbled upon it. It is hosted by a married couple who went through infertility treatment but it didn't work out. They now are committed to living happily ever after as a child-free couple. In my opinion, the wife, who goes by M, is not fully ready to give up her dream of motherhood. But, the husband, who goes by E, is ready to embrace their family of two. Since they are not on the same page, a lot of the conversation sounds like a polite argument where the wife is about to break down sobbing at any moment and the husband is thoroughly frustrated.

I found the first few episodes humorous, like a bad sitcom. I imagine the wife trying to speak privately to her husband about her feelings but getting nowhere with the communication. As her last attempt, she says to him, "Honey, lets produce an infertility podcast. It'll be a great way for us to bond and share our story." The husband doesn't want to do this but he reluctantly agrees because he also doesn't want to sleep alone in the guestroom. Once the podcast starts, the wife lets her feelings flow freely and forces her husband into uncomfortable situations where he has to talk about things he'd rather keep private. And the podcast continues on like this for about an hour. The final product is extremely awkward. I only made it through the first 7 or 8 episodes before I had to unsubscribe.

Although the podcast was not for me, I loudly applaud M for being so brave. I do not know many couples who will openly air their grievances to the world, especially when it comes to a topic as personal as infertility. I, too, had many troubles talking to my husband about infertility and how it affected me. I went through my depression alone. If I was as brave as M, I would have forced Wes to listen to me, talk to me and console me. On one of their first episodes, they asked the child-free community to email them stories of how they are living their lives. This is the email I sent:

Hello, E & M!
     My name is Erica and I stumbled upon your podcast a few months ago. In one of your first episodes, you asked for emails from the child-free community. So howdy, here I am... all the way form Oklahoma! I have severe endometriosis that has rendered me infertile. From the beginning, my husband and I decided not to pursue treatment. Instead, I decided to be a local maker, girl boss and sewist extraordinaire. I own RagsReborn Gifts and travel throughout the state participating in various craft shows. Please check out my Facebook page (www.facebook.com/RagsRebornGifts).
       I relate fully to the name of my small business. I was a "rag" - a discarded and worthless woman who is unable to procreate. I wasn't even a real women in many of my coworkers', peers' and complete strangers' eyes. After wallowing in my own personal pity party, I decided that was not the life I wanted to live. It is completely possible to cultivate a wonderful life without children. I've always enjoyed arts 'n crafts but I decided to take it to another level. I slowly taught myself how to sew and started selling my wares. I sew pillows, stuffed animals, tote bags and an entire arrange of home decor items from gently used clothing and old fabrics (usually donated). Not only am I giving the fabrics new life, but by doing this, I was also "reborn." So there is it -- RagsReborn!  
     I hate to tell you this but I no longer listen to your podcast. After the first few episodes, I noticed a strange disconnect between E's opinion (ready and willing to embrace a child-free marriage) and M's opinion (fiercely holding on to the dream of motherhood). I found this clash awkward and uncomfortable. With that said, I also want to congratulate you on your honesty and extreme bravery. I know we are conditioned to not speak about infertility. I openly speak about my journey when people ask about RagsReborn and I am glad to know that I am not the only one who is breaking free from the infertility stigma. I wish you many years of love, light and laughter. 
       Keep on doing what you do!
            ~Erica
                RagsReborn Gifts

I'm not sure how I veered off into self promotion and podcast critiquing but I guess that's where this blog post ended up. I sent the email several weeks ago but have not heard a response. I guess they have too much other fan mail to sift through. Anyway, back to my original request -- if you know of any infertility podcasts worth listening to, please send them my way!

March is Endometriosis Awareness Month

I usually have tons to say about Endometriosis Awareness Month but this March, I'm actually not that compelled to jump on my soapbox. I actually don't need to write a lengthy blog post because other strong women are sharing their stories and educating the public. And guess what? Endometriosis is finally being recognized as a legitimate disease (and not just stereotypical "woman problems" that make nice girls turn into "super extra whiny b*tches" during "that time of the month"--all things I've personally been accused of by friends, coworkers and total strangers). Thanks to numerous celebrities and websites like SpeakENDO (https://www.speakendo.com/), more and more women are speaking up and speaking out. I actually heard a national ad campaign by SpeakENDO on Pandora recently!

I've always been vocal about my diagnosis but I know that a majority of other women are too embarrassed to speak freely. Even though the disease is being recognized more & more, there is still a stigma surrounding it.
       But why? It's 2018 for Pete's sake!!
              Every other disgusting disease is discussed openly, so why can't I tell you about my menstrual cramps when you ask why I cancelled on our lunch meeting?
              How come I have to force a fake smile when I'm actually feeling kind of gloomy?                           And why can't I just go home to change my pants because I bled through my pad?
I can't figure out a good answer to those questions so I'm not going to hide in the background and pretend I'm okay when I'm really not. No one should have to stay silent when they are hurting. Healthcare professionals need to know that endometrial pain is real. Upper management needs to allow for employees to take time off work to rest from cramping and heavy bleeding. Peers need to forgive their friends if they cannot fulfill their commitments due to symptoms of the disease. And those who have endometriosis need to stop being too ashamed to talk about it.

Judge me if you want to but I'm going to continue to #SpeakENDO for my misunderstood pain and frustration. Not only will I speak up for myself but I #SpeakENDO for all women. If you too  are affected by this disease, I encourage you to also spread knowledge and awareness.

National Infertility Awareness Week 2017

Hello, all! *insert waving emoji here* It's National Infertility Awareness Week 2017!! The theme assigned for this year is LISTEN UP!. I'm not sure what direction Resolve is wanting to go with this theme but for me, I'd like to use it as a platform to dispel some common misconceptions regarding infertiles. Of course I cannot speak for all childfree women but I believe these are some universal truths that need to be told.

[Quick disclaimer: 99.92% of my friends, family, coworkers and acquaintances have children and I am NOT trying to tell you that your thinking is wrong nor am I meaning to offend anyone. I just want to share my opinion on some popular (mis)conceptions.]

Not my drawing... just saw it on the Internet and thought it was cute.

MYTH #1- Erica a "bitter infertile".
I can completely understand why the entire world would think this. Every movie, book, television show, etc. that touches on the topic of infertility paints the image of a woman who is always crying or angry or just crazy in general. If all you see is negative, I don't blame you for pegging me as a certain characteristic.
       Just as I was typing the above paragraph, I thought of two examples (without even really having to think too hard); on the television series, Once Upon A Time, Regina, the evil queen cannot have children but Snow White and Prince Charming have Emma and baby Neil. In the novel, What Alice Forgot, the infertile sister, Elizabeth, is depressed throughout over half of the book and she even attempts to kidnap a young child.

Okay, okay...some of what is shown in popular culture is true. We infertiles get sad (just like everyone else). We also occasionally get angry at our bodies for not functioning as they should. And at times, we feel a little less feminine and maybe even a little ashamed. But I can promise you that I am not evil or depressed and my life is NOT a constant longing for a baby.

• I do not lust after other women's pregnant stomachs. I do not want to bring them any harm or ill wishes. 
• I do not want to steal away other people's babies to raise as my own. 
• I am not weeping at every baby shower I attend, nor do I cry during pregnancy announcements. 
• I am not jealous of my friends and coworkers who have children. I do not "unfriend" people who post pictures of their happy families.

Another infertility character that the media shows is the woman who is "too career oriented". This woman is cold and unattached; she cannot have time for children or any meaningful personal relationship because she is married to her job. Her success in the business world has lead her to live the life of a spinster. I believe that stereotype is also incorrect. I am a small business owner. Yes, RagsReborn is very important to me but I also have friends & family. I am capable of caring and nurturing. If I were to get pregnant, I would gladly take on both raising a child and growing my small business.

So, no, I am not a bitter infertile. I am actually quite supportive of my childbearing friends; I have sewn baby shower and baby's first birthday items for each one of them. I am happy to join in conversations regarding my coworker's children. I love to hug and coo at small children just as much as the next person.

MYTH #2- Erica doesn't know what love is.
If I could get a quarter for every time I heard the phrase "I didn't know what love was until I had a child" I would be FILTHY RICH. Why do people feel the need to tell me that? I honestly do not even understand what that phrase even means. If it was true that you could not grasp the concept of love until you conceived a child, does that mean that you never felt the love of your parents as you were growing up? Did you never experience the thrill of young love as a teenager? Did you not love your husband or wife until the day they got pregnant? This is absurd.

Speaking of absurd...when I confess that I cannot have children, most people assume that I live an empty life. They picture me driving home to a dark and undecorated house where I binge watch CSI: Miami and eat canned beans for dinner. For those of you who have thought that about me, please stop worrying... I live a very fulfilled life. My apartment is lively and decorated; I have found many hobbies that bring me joy (one of which is cooking, so no gross canned beans for me!) and I have two lovely dogs and a wonderful husband. I do not need children to fill my life with love and happiness; I have found other things that bring me just as much contentment.

Another thing that people question is what will happen to me in my old age without children. They assume that I will live the last decades of my life as an old curmudgeon with no one to care for me. That is also untrue. I am actively taking care of my health now so that I am able to prosper in my old age. I am also investing for my retirement. I plan on being fully independent in my later years so I do not become a burden on anyone.

MYTH #3- Erica wants children.
Sure there was a time when I wanted to be a mother and if I had a miracle pregnancy, I would fully embrace it. But the truth is that I do not want children. (!!!) My infertility journey started out as being childfree-not-by-choice but I have come to accept and embrace my now childfree life. There are many women and couples who are choosing to not bring children into the world. More and more adults are owning pets or becoming entrepreneurs or travelling the world. Even as this is happening around us, childfree discrimination still exists. I get strange looks when I openly discuss my infertility, other women do not invite me to their social gatherings because I am not part of the "mommy club," and I am expected to endure longer hours at work because I do not have a family to get home to. Lets all take a quick minute to become more aware of this discrimination so that we may all act differently next time we meet a happily childfree woman.

So there are my two cents for this year's Infertility Awareness Week topic. Thanks for listening (reading); it means the world to me! If you want some more reading, might I suggest these blogs (and this list, too, if you really want some more reading!)-

Life Without Baby (http://lifewithoutbaby.com/blog/) is written by several different women, all of which are all insightful and honest. They have a weekly "Whiney Wednesday" post that addresses some of the issues that I just wrote about.

Waiting for Baby Bird (https://waitingforbabybird.com/) is a faith based infertility blog. As a fair warning, let me tell you that it is written with an extremely Christian perspective. I am not religious but I have read several of Elisha's posts and found hope in them. I also appreciate the rawness in her writing.

I just made my annual donation. If you are wanting to donate to a charity, might I suggest Resolve?

March is Endometriosis Awareness Month.

I feel like it is my responsibility as a sufferer of severe endometriosis to spread awareness through my writing this month, but I am at a loss of what to blog about. I have a pretty good hunch that you either already know what endometriosis is (thanks to celebrities like Padma Lakshmi, Julianne Hough, Halsey and Lena Dunham) or you don't care what this strange-to-pronounce-disease is. Either way, I won't bore you with facts and medical research. (If you want to learn what endometriosis is, here are some helpful links https://www.buzzfeed.com/laraparker/things-women-with-endometriosis-want-you-to-know?utm_term=.yppNG5bpY#.ljDb3paBv and  http://www.endochallenge.com/2017) Instead, I will share my small victory story.

I was diagnosed with endometriosis a few years ago but never spoke up because there was no way to win. If I complained about it in public, it would just add to the assumption that women are cranky bitches during that time of the month and we are all just being overly dramatic. I kept quiet until my place of employment implemented a new sick time policy. It's a pretty lengthy policy and since I don't have our employee handbook with me at the moment, I will paraphrase.

Too many employees were calling in "sick" (but in reality, they were just playing hookie). Management and Human Resources wanted to get this under control so employees are not allowed to call in sick anymore. In order to use paid sick time, employees are now required to give 24-hour notice of any absence due to medical reasons. I don't know about you, but it is my belief that there is no reason for me to be at work when I am unfit and will not be a productive employee so I ignored this new sick time policy. I continued to skip a day of work when my cramps were too painful or I would go home early if my period was too heavy. I went undetected for a while but, eventually, I was summoned to my manager's office.

Luckily for me, and unlike a majority of the population, my manager actually understood that endometriosis is an actual medical disease!!! \(^_^)/ Hallelujah! She didn't accuse me of abusing my sick time privileges or tell me that painful periods are just another part of womanhood. She asked if I had ever considered applying for intermittent FMLA (Family Medical Leave Act).  I contacted both Human Resources and my OB-GYN doctor and after a swift process of paperwork, I am now approved for intermittent FMLA leave. Once a week each month, I am able to skip two to three days of work with no questions asked. While this does not cure my endometriosis or repair my reproductive system, I am still calling it a victory.

So here is the takeaway from this blog... endometriosis is a painful medical condition. Period. (no pun intended) Chronic abdominal pain is not normal. Heavy debilitating menstrual cycles are not normal. If you suspect that you are a sufferer of this disease, speak up and get whatever aid you need. I know that a majority of the people you talk to will not believe you, misdiagnose you and maybe even laugh at you but that is no reason to stay quiet. If I had spoken up to my manager sooner, I could have been on intermittent FMLA leave probably two to three years ago. To my fellow endo-sisters, if you continue to speak up, eventually, you will find that one doctor, that one friend, that one person who understands what you are going through and is willing to help. By the way, I am that one friend so if you want, please feel free to message or comment... we are all in this together!

Erica's Thanksgiving Leftovers Casserole Recipe.

My happy family- Me, my amazing husband and our two delightful fur-babies.

I hope everyone had a blessed and abundant Thanksgiving holiday last month. Honestly, I didn't know where to go with my Thanksgiving blog (which is why this blog post is a few weeks late, sorry guys). I am mostly at peace with my infertility situation but I'd be lying to you if I didn't admit that the holidays are pretty rough. For those of you who are untouched by childlessness, let me be the first to tell you that the holidays are a lonely and difficult time in the infertility world. There are literally a million websites and bloggers who offer "holiday survival guides" for the childless population. An exceptionally good resource is http://gateway-women.com/holiday-blues/.

Wes & I made a ham and a medley greens for our Thanksgiving dinner.

I have a great (although not as novel of an idea as I originally thought) Thanksgiving leftovers recipe that I want to share so I knew I had to post a Thanksgiving themed blog. But I had a challenge ahead of me. On the one hand, I didn't want my Thanksgiving blog to be categorized as "written by a bitter infertile." But on the other hand, I didn't want to lie and say that everything went great. I had a few ideas... I could blog about the many things I have to be thankful for despite my childlessness, or I could blog about how I felt my fair share of the blues, or I could blog about what I did to cope. Toward the end of the Thanksgiving weekend, I sat in front of my laptop with zero good ideas. I decided to not stress out about it and just give it some time. I figured a good idea would eventually come to me. Well, it's officially December and I still don't know exactly how to approach the topic so I won't. I will just share my leftovers recipe.

The impressive and delicious turkey that Wes made for Thanksgiving dinner at my mom's.

As Thanksgiving approached, Wes and I started to discuss what we would make for our dinner. We usually have a small meal as husband & wife and then we have a more traditional Thanksgiving meal at my mom's house with her & her husband. I thought I had invented a new casserole incorporating all the components of a traditional Thanksgiving meal, but I was wrong. (I found out I was wrong when I bought a jar of Heinz home-style turkey gravy and saw a similar recipe on the label.) Sadly, I am not the inventor of the leftovers casserole but here is my version of it.

Thanksgiving Leftovers Casserole Recipe-
       Ingredients needed: stuffing/dressing, green bean casserole, turkey, mashed potatoes, gravy and French fried onions.

You can actually cook these things fresh or you can use leftovers. Leftovers is probably the best way to go. We had a bit of both... a little leftover stuffing, mashed potatoes and turkey from my mom's house and the rest we made.

1. Prepare the stuffing/dressing (we used the stuff from a box so we just followed the instructions).

2. Prepare the green bean casserole but do not cook. Everyone has their own way of making a green bean casserole so I won't post a recipe here.

3. Prepare the mashed potatoes (we took the easy route and "made" instant mashed potatoes).

4. Spray an oven safe casserole dish with butter.

5. Pre-heat oven to 350 degrees Fahrenheit.

6. Spread the stuffing/dressing on the bottom of the casserole dish.

7. Place the fully cooked turkey on top as the second layer.

8. Spread the uncooked green bean casserole on top of the turkey... layer three!

9. Spread the mashed potatoes on the very top.

10. Bake at 350 degrees Fahrenheit for 25-30 minutes.

The layers sort of got blended together so it looks a little crazy but I promise it tastes yummy.

11. While that is baking, prepare the gravy. (Sorry forgot to take a picture of me heating up the pre-made gravy. LOL)

12. Once cooked, serve with gravy and French fried onions on top.

Mine is the one slathered in gravy. Wes is a weirdo and ate his dry.

Infertility Awareness Week

It's Infertility Awareness Week again! Resolve has a great Infertilty Awareness Week line up. Although I would love to participate in the conferences, support groups and 5k walks, none of those events are happening in Oklahoma. (sad face) But, I have read all the articles and watched the videos. To do my part in spreading advocacy, I will once again write about my infertility journey.

The theme for this year's awareness week is to start the discussion. Infertility remains such a taboo topic. There are tons of women out there who feel embarrassed and ashamed when they're asked when they'll finally start a family and have kids. But why? Infertility affects at least one in eight women of childbearing age. It's a normal thing.
       I, for one, am not ashamed. If you're unlucky enough to ask me when I plan on having kids, I won't dance around the topic. I will tell you that I have severe endometriosis and it has damaged my reproductive organs so I am now infertile. You will either 1. feel horribly uncomfortable and walk away or 2. continue talking to me ...
      We can talk about how you read in a magazine that Chrissy Teigen had an IVF.
      We can talk about your friend or cousin or coworker who also struggled with getting pregnant.
      I can explain what endometriosis is and you can say that you read Lena Dunham's tweets.
      You can empathize.
      You can learn.
      You can realize that infertility is a real thing and now you know someone who has this issue with their health.
      It's no longer a foreign & strange disease.  

I want this on a t-shirt but I can't find it online or on Etsy. Anyone know a screen printer who can put this on a shirt for me?

Besides just blogging about infertility and endometriosis, I want to actually do something for Infertility Awareness Week this year.
       I have a craft show this weekend. I will be at The Handmade Show at The Crown Center on Saturday April 30th. I need to sell ten pillows per show in order to make back my costs and labor. Any more pillows that I sell, it's just profit. At my show this weekend, I will double any profit and donate an equal amount to Resolve and The Endometriosis Foundation. So, hypothetically, if I sell fifteen pillows, I get $50 profit... I will donate $50 to Resolve and $50 to The Endometriosis Foundation. Please, please, please come out to The Crown Center to support not only RagsReborn but also help me donate some money to a good cause.

Did you know that March was Endometriosis Awareness Month? Nah, probably not. Don't feel bad because I didn't either, and I have the damn disease! Padma Lakshmi, created the Endometriosis Foundation of America (http://www.endofound.org/).

I have suffered with endometriosis since my first period back in high school. Everyone who is diagnosed experiences it differently, but for me, endometriosis causes debilitating pain during my menstrual cycle. My flow is also extremely heavy and longer than the 3-5 days average. Gross, I know. Here's a pretty good article about the disease: http://www.refinery29.com/endometriosis-symptoms-surgery-period-pain. Luckily for me, both my primary care physician and OB-GYN recognized the symptoms and I wasn't treated like the poor woman who authored the article.

So, "what is this odd disease?" you ask. Tissue that is supposed to grow within the uterus grows outside of it and pretty much anywhere else it feels like growing. I have growth all along my Fallopian tubes (which are completely damaged and that is the primary reason why I cannot get pregnant) and my left ovary is literally covered in the stuff. I've had surgery to remove some of the tissue but there is no cure. It will continue to grow and grow. The only thing I can do is to just manage the pain. Don't tell anyone but I am probably addicted to Motrin and Naproxen.

It's taken me thirty years, but I've finally "found myself." If I had to make a family crest, here it is:

I am a PROUD rescue pet parent.

I have endometriosis and am UNASHAMED.

I am a HARDWORKING small business owner.

My three passions in life are pet rescue & adoption, infertility & endometriosis awareness and acceptance and RagsReborn Gifts.

Thanks so much for reading this blog. Thank you for listening to me rant about a health issue that is often overlooked. And, please, please, please come out to The Crown Center to support not only RagsReborn but also help me donate some money to a good cause.

Said no one ever...

This blog will be full of someecards. I love these so I am borrowing them for my blog.  

They aren't mine & I don't take credit for any of their wit.

Last month, I called in sick to work due to menstrual cramps.
       I haven't done this since high school (where I stayed home almost every month because I was too much of a wuss to deal with the pain and, let's be honest, I hated high school and had absolutely no desire to be there so any excuse to stay home was a good one.)
       In my adulthood, I never wanted to call in sick for my 'womanly problems'. I always thought... "It is embarrassing. It is a sign of weakness. It makes me a woman." No one thinks endometriosis is a big deal. "It's not a real disease", they say, "it's just a weak woman complaining about her pain." We get chastised. "Oh it must be her time of the month," people whisper snarkily, "she can't even handle her own body."
       So each month, I would take a strong dose of pain medication, wear dark and comfortable pants, say a little prayer that I wouldn't faint from the pain and head on out to work. Each month it was excruciating. It got worse and worse, especially over the past few years. I started having to bring extra pain medication just to have on hand at my desk. I started bringing an extra set of clothes. Finally, I decided it wasn't worth it. Employees call in all the time...and on February 4th, 2016, it was my time!

Getting to stay in bed that day was the best thing to ever happen to me. LOL Yes, I was still in terrible pain but it was wonderful to get to rest instead of suffering through the workday.
       My place of employment is aware of my health issues and my boss was very understanding. Upon my return to work, I thanked my boss profusely and doubled my efforts to make up for lost time. No one called me out for being weak, I wasn't expected to feel guilty for staying home and no one demoted me for not being able to be at work; everything was just all in my head. I won't be abusing this knowledge to call in on a regular monthly basis, but I do feel as if a huge burden has been lifted from me. I now know that if I ever am in too much pain, I can take a sick day. It's a light bulb that just turned on: Endometrosis is a valid reason for a sick day. I was in pain that day. I was sick.

I don't know if anyone else has ever feared using a sick day for menstrual cramps. 

I don't know if anyone else is ashamed of their ill functioning reproductive system. 

But if you are and need some enlightenment, here it is. 

       Please read my blog and know that you are not alone. Also know that you shouldn't put your body through the stress of having to be at work when you really should be at home caring for yourself. 

Speaking of caring for yourself... I have one short rant before I let you go. I drive by this billboard every day on my way home from work. I understand its message regarding caregivers but it still makes me angry.

I remember how my mother cared for me when I was a child and I plan to return the favor. I also plan to care for my step-father and husband in the same way. No problem. 

       The problem is that I will never have a child. How I see it is, this billboard is telling me that I will never be cared for in my old age because I cannot fulfill my initial role as a mother. How disappointing! Fortunately, I have already planned for this and it doesn't come as much of a shock. I'm smart so I've been carefully putting away money for retirement and I monitor my health very closely to avoid any major complications as I age. I am aware that I am an only child with very few friends so my last years will be difficult. My mother, step-father & husband are all older than I am so I expect them all to go first. But I am fully ready to take care of myself when that time comes. With all that set aside, this billboard still does offend me. I have a hard enough burden to bear with my infertility, I don't need a billboard reminding me that I will have to suffer through ailing age on my own. 

        And, why should my female role be one of a mother? Why can't this woman in the billboard primarily be a politician or athlete or business woman? Why is her "role" one of a parent? There are plenty of women who either cannot have children or choose not to have children. Are we all going to die alone in one childless arena designed for childless females?

       And what about those mothers whose children succumb to disease or fight & die in wars? They took care of their children but due to whatever ill circumstances, their children will not be able to care for them in the future. Did the AARP think about the possibility of offending those women as well?

       Gawd, I can't wait until this campaign ends so they can remove that billboard. I would much rather see something telling me to enjoy Coca-Cola each day. Breathe, Erica, breathe... the AARP is just trying to help... it's not trying to offend you. Okay...I'm off my soapbox. Let's calm it down and wind it down...

       This last picture isn't empowering and probably doesn't go with the rest of this blog entry but I thought it was hilarious. I literally laughed out loud when I saw it. And when we're suffering from an angry uterus, a laugh is much needed.