Erica & Wes go to the Dior fashion exhibit

Earlier this year during one of my sewing group's "Sew n' Share" sessions, Claire told us that the Dallas Museum of Art will be hosting a Dior fashion exhibit in the summer. And that this exhibit was a pretty big deal. She told us that it's only touring two museums in North America and it will be in Dallas for a limited time. I immediately went to the art museum's website (https://dma.org/dior) and started planning a trip for me & Wes. We went over this past weekend and it was pretty great. I took a TON of pictures (all posted at the end of this blog and on Instagram @ragsreborngifts).

Before we get into the museum, you know I have to write a bit about where we ate. 😋 I don't think I planned it to be this way, but each one of our meals was Korean. For breakfast, we stopped in 9 Rabbits Bakery. We got there a little after it opened but for some reason, my pastry already tasted stale. I got a chocolate chocolate chip cake and Wes got a chocolate cream filled French horn. I also ordered a Korean iced coffee, which tasted like a Vietnamese coffee but with a lot more sugar and condensed milk.  

We went to BBBop for dinner. They served modern Korean fusion rice bowls. Wes ordered one of the featured rice bowls off the menu and I got a "build-your-own" bowl and some samosa eggrolls to share. I liked them because they only had a light curry taste and weren't spicy. It was a quick and casual dinner spot with friendly staff. We both really enjoyed the food (much more than what we had for breakfast). The restaurant has a couple of unique sauces. My favorite was the cucumber tomatillo sauce. There was a community bulletin board, so I had to leave a RagsReborn business card. LOL

BBBOp was in a strip mall that also had (supposedly) a boba tea cafe. We walked toward the sign for Panda Tea to find that it was closed for renovations. Luckily, boba tea cafes were in abundance according to Google Maps so we just drove a few blocks down to Craft Boba... which was permanently closed. 😑 Our third attempt was to Royal I.T Cafe. It was open for business! Yay! We almost wished we ate dinner there (even though BBBop was delicious) because they poké bowls (which I really like) and Thai food (which is Wes's favorite). We ordered our drinks and made a mental note to come back soon for lunch. I got a rose mike tea with boba and it was really refreshing. Did I mention it was over 100° Fahrenheit the entire time we were driving & walking around?

Alright, now to what we've all been waiting for... Dior: From Paris to the World!!

A few things you should know about the exhibit before you make the drive to Dallas:

     * tickets must be purchased in advance and the tickets are only valid for a certain time. Our tickets were for 3:15pm. We didn't arrive until closer to 3:30pm 😓 but by the grace of God, the ticket taker had mercy on us and let us in. I must have had a very distressed and ashamed look on my face as I handed her our late tickets. 

     * traffic and parking in downtown Dallas is horrendous... or at least it was the weekend that we went. There were a lot of activities going on downtown including some sort of food truck festival, a costume convention (where I saw an Elvis impersonator and Wes saw some anime cos players strutting around the streets) and the opera. Wes navigated us to Hall Arts Center parking garage that just so happened to be free when we left. I think paid parking ended at 5pm and we left a little after that. Yay!

     * viewers are only allowed in the exhibit for a certain amount of time (we were there from about 3:30 - 4:45pm and I think the longest you're allowed to be in there is an hour) and if you dally, a museum worker will gently, but unapologetically, prod you along--which happened to me.  #embarrassing Wes likened it to herding cattle. LOL The narrow layout of the exhibit forced viewers to walk in a straight line in one direction only and we were all scrunched very close together. 

     * the Dior exhibit is open in the evenings, but the art museum itself closes at 5pm on the dot. No joke. There was a Mary Magdalene/religious oil paintings by Michelangelo Merisi da Caravaggio gallery that I really wanted to see but couldn't make in time. I had a very stern security guard inform me of museum hours and shoo me away (it was only about 5:10pm). 😒

So... the experience at the Dior exhibit wasn't that great. Let's just say that the viewing is heavily regulated by museum staff. So even if you aren't deterred by the crowds and want to linger and really appreciate a dress or a section of the exhibit, it was extremely hard to do so. I found that to be very stressful, which made it hard to really feel and fully take in what I was looking at, but the dresses were absolutely AMAZING. I mean, just look at the beading and detail in the dress pictured above! All of them were exquisitely made and so beautiful. 

Per the museum guide, "His [Christian Dior] unique style, inspired by art and culture, celebrated the triumphant return of femininity. His vision of clothing based on strong, architectural lines resonated in a world rebuilding itself from the ground up after the devastation of World War II." There have been six creative directors in the Dior fashion house after Christian's death. The first three designed more classically (Gianfranco Ferré being my favorite) and the most recent three represented couture in a more avant-garde way. 

John Galliano's work was the first we encountered when we walked into the modern designers' section. I saw his dresses and audibly gasped and said, "Oh my gawd!" (I realize I'm probably a pretty annoying museum mate... just a warning if you ever want to go gallery viewing with me.) Per the museum guide, "before each collection, John Galliano visited other countries and filled scrapbooks with objects, photos and collages from his travels. Ideas emerged from a mix of inspirations across time and space."

The main attraction was a long hall filled with dresses From Paris to the World. It showcased several of Dior's collections that "were created for different markets in Europe, the United States, North Africa and Asia." There was a small section of dresses (pictured in the bottom left corner below) designed for and worn by celebrities.

The last, and probably my favorite, part of the exhibit was Splendors of the 18th Century and Field of Flowers. They were two separate collections but the dresses had the same theme, in my opinion. They were romantically feminine but still creative. Per the museum guide, Christian Dior said, "After woman, flowers are the most divine creatures." The beautiful pastel dresses were embellished with floral motifs, which was fitting since he was an avid gardener. I liked the juxtaposition of coming toward these classical dresses after viewing the loud haute couture designs in the From Paris to the World dresses. I found it be a nice note to end the visit on.

Both Wes & I were captivated by the unique creativity and workmanship of the garments. I am really glad we went despite the stressful parts of our visit. My favorite collections were The Office of Dreams (picture on my Instagram... beautiful white shirts, jackets and dresses all hanging on the wall), Fields of Flowers/Splendors of the 18th Century and Gianfranco Ferré: The Postmodern Couturier (pictures also on Instagram...amazing black & white striped ballgown with a ruffly train). Wes's favorite part was the From Paris to the World collections, except for, he wanted me to add, having to crane your neck to see some of the dresses on the top tiers. 😆

One last thing-- on our way out, we stopped by SCRAP Denton. It is a little warehouse, actually a non-profit retail space--filled with second-hand craft supplies sold at a discount. I wish we had something like that in Oklahoma City because I exclusively shop there for all of my sewing and crafting needs. There was an entire wall of shelves that had nothing but fabric scraps. I was in heaven!! They also had thread, buttons, bobbins and other sewing notions. The supplies are donated by the public and sold cheaply to encourage environmentally sustainable behavior by reusing "trash". I probably could have bought more but I tired to only stick to items I needed-- which was fabric for stuffed dinosaurs (colors and patterns on bottom right corner of photo above). Speaking of that, fall craft shows are quickly approaching! I will have my schedule posted very soon. Time to get to sewing!

Last week was Infertility Awareness Week

Last week was Infertility Awareness Week and the theme was Infertility Uncovered. I visited Resolve's website (the national infertility association) and read a bunch of articles, personal testimonies, and blogs but I didn't write a blog post of my own. I usually do but I didn't feel right doing so this year because I literally have nothing to contribute to the theme. Its tricky for me. As I dig deeper into "infertility", I realize more and more that, not having gone through it first-hand, I can't truly relate one hundred percent. Yes, it is true that I cannot conceive a baby on my own. But, I have not gone through the ups & downs of fertility treatment. I have not attempted to foster or adopt. I have not considered surrogacy or IVF. I want to empathize with my fellow sisters but I feel like a guest in the infertility club; sometimes welcome and sometimes not. I think for this year's theme, I am the unwelcome sort of guest. So I will stay silent on the #infertilityuncovered topic.

Even though I couldn't really participate in this year's Infertility Awareness Week, I want to leave some friendly reminders:
       * One in eight couples is infertile. Please don't ask about a woman's family planning; you never know how hurtful that simple question of When are you going to have kids can be.
       * We all are capable of making informed decisions about the size of our family. Please don't ask Why don't you have kids, yet or tell us You won't know what love is until you become a mother.
Just because I am not actively on an infertility path, I still believe in the importance of awareness. I will remain a cheerleader for advocacy and acceptance.  I send out my best wishes for those couples on their infertility journey. I grieve for women's miscarriages and couples with unsuccessful results. I am the one in eight.

Lastly, a little bit more about myself and my personal journey...   There is the tribe of women who are "childfree" (don't have children; never wanted to have children). There is another tribe of women who are "childless" (went through their infertility journey and ended up without any successful results). I am stuck in the middle... when I was in my late teens/early twenties, I decided that I didn't want to have children; then when I got married, we decided that life wouldn't be so bad with a kid or two but then we found out that I have advanced & extremely severe endometriosis. So then I reverted back to my original decision of not wanting children after all. I'm sort of childfree but I'm also kind of childless. There isn't really a tribe for me. So I continue to forge my own path.

My child-free life.

Not too long ago, a close friend told me that the reason why I'm always talking about infertility and about living child-free is because I am incredibly insecure about that decision and I keep harping on it in order to convince myself that it wasn't a mistake. Sure, there could be some truth to her statement but I prefer to believe that it is my duty to share my experiences in order to reverse the judgement placed on women like myself.

As crazy as it sounds, being both infertile and child-free is a weird situation to find oneself in. I don't quite fit in with other women who struggle to conceive because they devote a majority of their lives to becoming mothers, either through treatment, fostering, adoption, surrogacy or any other means possible. And, I also don't quite fit in with most child-free women because they chose that path for their lives. They decided ... as for me, my body made that decision for me. I am unable to bear children, however, I never took scientific measures to try. That makes me an oddity. I chose not to "try" because, in my opinion, the realm of infertility services is just a huge marketing scheme that preys on women's hopes and fears with little results. You'd be amazed to find out the statistics of outcomes from IVF, and adoption is a very very difficult process. Aside from not wanting to be mislead by not-so-honest marketing, I think it is rather empowering to be able  to choose not to pursue infertility treatment and live a child-free life. I think that decision identifies well with the "independent woman" characteristic I try to embody.

I read somewhere that "there is a massive negative premise that suggests that women who do not reproduce are selfish, do not like children or are not real women. Females who do not procreate are too often misrepresented by negative terms: spinster, wicked stepmother, crazy cat lady." (I wrote down that quote on a Post-It note but I forgot to document the article it came from. I apologize for the plagiarism.)  I must say that females who are not mothers ARE NOT SELFISH!!! We need to debunk the stereotype that child-free women are selfish right now. The only fact found in that stereotype is that I deprived my mother of grandchildren. But I can also argue that by being an only child, my mother deprived me of siblings. I would never say that about my mom so there is no reason for the world to place that judgement upon me.

Speaking of my mom, here's a picture of us. 

Other reasons why I do not believe that my decision is selfish -
1. I happily pay all taxes related to education for future generations and support teachers and other educational staff. My mother was an ESL (English as a Second Language) teacher for several years and I truly believe in their work.
2. I offer baby-sitting services to all of my friends who have children. I am aware that being able to go on dates with my husband is a leisure that a lot of my friends don't have and I am happy to help.
3. If and when the Apocalypse comes, I will gladly give up my seat in the bunker to a mother or child because I am fully aware that their functioning reproductive system is more useful than my broken one.

Two more statements to refute - women who do not reproduce do not like children. I cannot speak for all women, but for me that is not the case. I dote on all of my friends' children; when shopping for Christmas gifts, I am sure to buy theirs first. Just because I do not want a child of my own to have around 100% of the time does not mean I do not like children at all.  And lastly... women who do not reproduce are barren curmudgeons who live lonely lives. Again, I cannot speak for everyone, but as for me, I live a content  and satisfying life. I am married with dogs and friends and hobbies - including yoga, sewing guild and book club- that keep me busy and happy. Many will argue that my life isn't very "rewarding" or "loving" without children, but I find owning a small business to be very rewarding and the love I receive from my family and friends is plenty enough for me.

My amazing family - Mike, mom, Sadie, Athena and Wes <3

Like all stereotypes and prejudices, I wish for this one to end. The decision a woman makes to have or not have children is a personal one that she has thought about at length. If she decided not to procreate, that is a decision everyone else will have to respect and there is no reason to judge her or convince her otherwise.

Erica needs a good infertility podcast.

I live on podcasts; they are what get me though my 9-hour work day. Now don't get me wrong, I enjoy my job, truly, but I'm an auditor for an insurance company... I need something to entertain me throughout the day. I listen to a wide range of podcasts but what I'm missing is a good infertility podcast. Before we all start throwing out suggestions, let me clarify what I mean by "good." All of the infertility podcasts I've come across are either spiritual and Christian-based or self-help guides. That is not what I am looking for. I have traveled through my infertility journey and I have fully accepted a child-free lifestyle. I don't need to listen to a podcast about hope, or prayer, or how to grieve and heal. I want a podcast about moving on and living your best life despite the daily challenges of infertility. I have come across several bloggers and internet "celebrities" who write on this subject but none of them do audio.

The closest thing that I have found that meets my "good" criteria is the How Did We Get Here Podcast (https://www.howdidwegetherepodcast.com/). I was really excited about this podcast when I first stumbled upon it. It is hosted by a married couple who went through infertility treatment but it didn't work out. They now are committed to living happily ever after as a child-free couple. In my opinion, the wife, who goes by M, is not fully ready to give up her dream of motherhood. But, the husband, who goes by E, is ready to embrace their family of two. Since they are not on the same page, a lot of the conversation sounds like a polite argument where the wife is about to break down sobbing at any moment and the husband is thoroughly frustrated.

I found the first few episodes humorous, like a bad sitcom. I imagine the wife trying to speak privately to her husband about her feelings but getting nowhere with the communication. As her last attempt, she says to him, "Honey, lets produce an infertility podcast. It'll be a great way for us to bond and share our story." The husband doesn't want to do this but he reluctantly agrees because he also doesn't want to sleep alone in the guestroom. Once the podcast starts, the wife lets her feelings flow freely and forces her husband into uncomfortable situations where he has to talk about things he'd rather keep private. And the podcast continues on like this for about an hour. The final product is extremely awkward. I only made it through the first 7 or 8 episodes before I had to unsubscribe.

Although the podcast was not for me, I loudly applaud M for being so brave. I do not know many couples who will openly air their grievances to the world, especially when it comes to a topic as personal as infertility. I, too, had many troubles talking to my husband about infertility and how it affected me. I went through my depression alone. If I was as brave as M, I would have forced Wes to listen to me, talk to me and console me. On one of their first episodes, they asked the child-free community to email them stories of how they are living their lives. This is the email I sent:

Hello, E & M!
     My name is Erica and I stumbled upon your podcast a few months ago. In one of your first episodes, you asked for emails from the child-free community. So howdy, here I am... all the way form Oklahoma! I have severe endometriosis that has rendered me infertile. From the beginning, my husband and I decided not to pursue treatment. Instead, I decided to be a local maker, girl boss and sewist extraordinaire. I own RagsReborn Gifts and travel throughout the state participating in various craft shows. Please check out my Facebook page (www.facebook.com/RagsRebornGifts).
       I relate fully to the name of my small business. I was a "rag" - a discarded and worthless woman who is unable to procreate. I wasn't even a real women in many of my coworkers', peers' and complete strangers' eyes. After wallowing in my own personal pity party, I decided that was not the life I wanted to live. It is completely possible to cultivate a wonderful life without children. I've always enjoyed arts 'n crafts but I decided to take it to another level. I slowly taught myself how to sew and started selling my wares. I sew pillows, stuffed animals, tote bags and an entire arrange of home decor items from gently used clothing and old fabrics (usually donated). Not only am I giving the fabrics new life, but by doing this, I was also "reborn." So there is it -- RagsReborn!  
     I hate to tell you this but I no longer listen to your podcast. After the first few episodes, I noticed a strange disconnect between E's opinion (ready and willing to embrace a child-free marriage) and M's opinion (fiercely holding on to the dream of motherhood). I found this clash awkward and uncomfortable. With that said, I also want to congratulate you on your honesty and extreme bravery. I know we are conditioned to not speak about infertility. I openly speak about my journey when people ask about RagsReborn and I am glad to know that I am not the only one who is breaking free from the infertility stigma. I wish you many years of love, light and laughter. 
       Keep on doing what you do!
            ~Erica
                RagsReborn Gifts

I'm not sure how I veered off into self promotion and podcast critiquing but I guess that's where this blog post ended up. I sent the email several weeks ago but have not heard a response. I guess they have too much other fan mail to sift through. Anyway, back to my original request -- if you know of any infertility podcasts worth listening to, please send them my way!

National Infertility Awareness Week 2017

Hello, all! *insert waving emoji here* It's National Infertility Awareness Week 2017!! The theme assigned for this year is LISTEN UP!. I'm not sure what direction Resolve is wanting to go with this theme but for me, I'd like to use it as a platform to dispel some common misconceptions regarding infertiles. Of course I cannot speak for all childfree women but I believe these are some universal truths that need to be told.

[Quick disclaimer: 99.92% of my friends, family, coworkers and acquaintances have children and I am NOT trying to tell you that your thinking is wrong nor am I meaning to offend anyone. I just want to share my opinion on some popular (mis)conceptions.]

Not my drawing... just saw it on the Internet and thought it was cute.

MYTH #1- Erica a "bitter infertile".
I can completely understand why the entire world would think this. Every movie, book, television show, etc. that touches on the topic of infertility paints the image of a woman who is always crying or angry or just crazy in general. If all you see is negative, I don't blame you for pegging me as a certain characteristic.
       Just as I was typing the above paragraph, I thought of two examples (without even really having to think too hard); on the television series, Once Upon A Time, Regina, the evil queen cannot have children but Snow White and Prince Charming have Emma and baby Neil. In the novel, What Alice Forgot, the infertile sister, Elizabeth, is depressed throughout over half of the book and she even attempts to kidnap a young child.

Okay, okay...some of what is shown in popular culture is true. We infertiles get sad (just like everyone else). We also occasionally get angry at our bodies for not functioning as they should. And at times, we feel a little less feminine and maybe even a little ashamed. But I can promise you that I am not evil or depressed and my life is NOT a constant longing for a baby.

• I do not lust after other women's pregnant stomachs. I do not want to bring them any harm or ill wishes. 
• I do not want to steal away other people's babies to raise as my own. 
• I am not weeping at every baby shower I attend, nor do I cry during pregnancy announcements. 
• I am not jealous of my friends and coworkers who have children. I do not "unfriend" people who post pictures of their happy families.

Another infertility character that the media shows is the woman who is "too career oriented". This woman is cold and unattached; she cannot have time for children or any meaningful personal relationship because she is married to her job. Her success in the business world has lead her to live the life of a spinster. I believe that stereotype is also incorrect. I am a small business owner. Yes, RagsReborn is very important to me but I also have friends & family. I am capable of caring and nurturing. If I were to get pregnant, I would gladly take on both raising a child and growing my small business.

So, no, I am not a bitter infertile. I am actually quite supportive of my childbearing friends; I have sewn baby shower and baby's first birthday items for each one of them. I am happy to join in conversations regarding my coworker's children. I love to hug and coo at small children just as much as the next person.

MYTH #2- Erica doesn't know what love is.
If I could get a quarter for every time I heard the phrase "I didn't know what love was until I had a child" I would be FILTHY RICH. Why do people feel the need to tell me that? I honestly do not even understand what that phrase even means. If it was true that you could not grasp the concept of love until you conceived a child, does that mean that you never felt the love of your parents as you were growing up? Did you never experience the thrill of young love as a teenager? Did you not love your husband or wife until the day they got pregnant? This is absurd.

Speaking of absurd...when I confess that I cannot have children, most people assume that I live an empty life. They picture me driving home to a dark and undecorated house where I binge watch CSI: Miami and eat canned beans for dinner. For those of you who have thought that about me, please stop worrying... I live a very fulfilled life. My apartment is lively and decorated; I have found many hobbies that bring me joy (one of which is cooking, so no gross canned beans for me!) and I have two lovely dogs and a wonderful husband. I do not need children to fill my life with love and happiness; I have found other things that bring me just as much contentment.

Another thing that people question is what will happen to me in my old age without children. They assume that I will live the last decades of my life as an old curmudgeon with no one to care for me. That is also untrue. I am actively taking care of my health now so that I am able to prosper in my old age. I am also investing for my retirement. I plan on being fully independent in my later years so I do not become a burden on anyone.

MYTH #3- Erica wants children.
Sure there was a time when I wanted to be a mother and if I had a miracle pregnancy, I would fully embrace it. But the truth is that I do not want children. (!!!) My infertility journey started out as being childfree-not-by-choice but I have come to accept and embrace my now childfree life. There are many women and couples who are choosing to not bring children into the world. More and more adults are owning pets or becoming entrepreneurs or travelling the world. Even as this is happening around us, childfree discrimination still exists. I get strange looks when I openly discuss my infertility, other women do not invite me to their social gatherings because I am not part of the "mommy club," and I am expected to endure longer hours at work because I do not have a family to get home to. Lets all take a quick minute to become more aware of this discrimination so that we may all act differently next time we meet a happily childfree woman.

So there are my two cents for this year's Infertility Awareness Week topic. Thanks for listening (reading); it means the world to me! If you want some more reading, might I suggest these blogs (and this list, too, if you really want some more reading!)-

Life Without Baby (http://lifewithoutbaby.com/blog/) is written by several different women, all of which are all insightful and honest. They have a weekly "Whiney Wednesday" post that addresses some of the issues that I just wrote about.

Waiting for Baby Bird (https://waitingforbabybird.com/) is a faith based infertility blog. As a fair warning, let me tell you that it is written with an extremely Christian perspective. I am not religious but I have read several of Elisha's posts and found hope in them. I also appreciate the rawness in her writing.

I just made my annual donation. If you are wanting to donate to a charity, might I suggest Resolve?