My child-free life.

Not too long ago, a close friend told me that the reason why I'm always talking about infertility and about living child-free is because I am incredibly insecure about that decision and I keep harping on it in order to convince myself that it wasn't a mistake. Sure, there could be some truth to her statement but I prefer to believe that it is my duty to share my experiences in order to reverse the judgement placed on women like myself.

As crazy as it sounds, being both infertile and child-free is a weird situation to find oneself in. I don't quite fit in with other women who struggle to conceive because they devote a majority of their lives to becoming mothers, either through treatment, fostering, adoption, surrogacy or any other means possible. And, I also don't quite fit in with most child-free women because they chose that path for their lives. They decided ... as for me, my body made that decision for me. I am unable to bear children, however, I never took scientific measures to try. That makes me an oddity. I chose not to "try" because, in my opinion, the realm of infertility services is just a huge marketing scheme that preys on women's hopes and fears with little results. You'd be amazed to find out the statistics of outcomes from IVF, and adoption is a very very difficult process. Aside from not wanting to be mislead by not-so-honest marketing, I think it is rather empowering to be able  to choose not to pursue infertility treatment and live a child-free life. I think that decision identifies well with the "independent woman" characteristic I try to embody.

I read somewhere that "there is a massive negative premise that suggests that women who do not reproduce are selfish, do not like children or are not real women. Females who do not procreate are too often misrepresented by negative terms: spinster, wicked stepmother, crazy cat lady." (I wrote down that quote on a Post-It note but I forgot to document the article it came from. I apologize for the plagiarism.)  I must say that females who are not mothers ARE NOT SELFISH!!! We need to debunk the stereotype that child-free women are selfish right now. The only fact found in that stereotype is that I deprived my mother of grandchildren. But I can also argue that by being an only child, my mother deprived me of siblings. I would never say that about my mom so there is no reason for the world to place that judgement upon me.

Speaking of my mom, here's a picture of us. 

Other reasons why I do not believe that my decision is selfish -
1. I happily pay all taxes related to education for future generations and support teachers and other educational staff. My mother was an ESL (English as a Second Language) teacher for several years and I truly believe in their work.
2. I offer baby-sitting services to all of my friends who have children. I am aware that being able to go on dates with my husband is a leisure that a lot of my friends don't have and I am happy to help.
3. If and when the Apocalypse comes, I will gladly give up my seat in the bunker to a mother or child because I am fully aware that their functioning reproductive system is more useful than my broken one.

Two more statements to refute - women who do not reproduce do not like children. I cannot speak for all women, but for me that is not the case. I dote on all of my friends' children; when shopping for Christmas gifts, I am sure to buy theirs first. Just because I do not want a child of my own to have around 100% of the time does not mean I do not like children at all.  And lastly... women who do not reproduce are barren curmudgeons who live lonely lives. Again, I cannot speak for everyone, but as for me, I live a content  and satisfying life. I am married with dogs and friends and hobbies - including yoga, sewing guild and book club- that keep me busy and happy. Many will argue that my life isn't very "rewarding" or "loving" without children, but I find owning a small business to be very rewarding and the love I receive from my family and friends is plenty enough for me.

My amazing family - Mike, mom, Sadie, Athena and Wes <3

Like all stereotypes and prejudices, I wish for this one to end. The decision a woman makes to have or not have children is a personal one that she has thought about at length. If she decided not to procreate, that is a decision everyone else will have to respect and there is no reason to judge her or convince her otherwise.

Athena's first birthday!

Athena is not a fan of pictures. (>.>)

Our perfectly precious puppy turned one on June 9th!!
       If I was a blogger who had a human child, I'm sure I would be one of those annoying types who spend at least 6-10 blogs detailing all of the DIY decorations, cake, photography and every other detail involved in my child's first birthday party. Luckily for you, I don't have a human child so you'll only get one "my child is perfect and I'm a doting mommy blog" regarding Athena's first birthday.
       Actually, it's just a bunch of dog pictures. And who doesn't like dog pictures?

Athena's puppy birthday "cake."

At first, I wanted to take Athena to the dog park for her birthday. But, Sadie can't go to the dog park (she doesn't play nice with other dogs) and a few of Athena's puppy friends couldn't make it so we ended up just having a family birthday celebration at home. Then we walked her around the neighborhood and to the CVS. I waited with her in the parking lot while Wes went in for a few items. Athena got two compliments for her adorableness.

Athena and Sadie each got a piece, which they gobbled up and spent the next 10 minutes searching for crumbs.

A few weeks ago, I bought a dog themed picture frame at a craft show. I decided that we needed to give Athena a photo shoot for her first birthday. We attempted taking a family picture but Athena was not cooperating (and Wes was getting agitated & stressed out) so I gave up pretty quickly. After that, we had "cake"... more like a large frosted dog treat. Then it was time for presents.

I got Athena a giraffe rope toy and Wes got her some refills for her Bento Ball toy. The refills ended up being a much better idea than the rope toy because she destroyed the toy in about an hour.  The toy's squeaker was inside the giraffe's head so the poor thing quickly got decapitated. Then she chewed through and unraveled all of the rope. LOL Maybe, I should have bought her a rubber toy. Remind me to keep that in mind for Christmas.

Giraffe rope toy...pre-destruction.

The entire "birthday party" lasted about 15 minutes. I'm about 80% sure that Wes thought the whole thing was retarded but he kept his mouth shut and participated. (I have an immensely supportive husband!) A friend of mine had a cookout for his dog's first birthday party and I threw Kensington a birthday party several years ago, so to me, this was perfectly normal. 

       When you're lacking something in your life, you spend a majority of your time learning to accept & appreciating what you do have. It's useless to dwell on the missing piece. But every now and then, that missing piece surfaces and you try to make up for it. For me, I made up for it by throwing a birthday party for my dog. It is silly and Athena had no idea what was going on but for me, I needed that "mommy moment."